My Libido

My libido won't rest, and I feel that I'm fucked. I haven't had sex in twenty-five days; it feels like an eternity. I think it's been about three to four years since I've gone that long or longer, and I think it's killing me. I usually don't garner addictions. I've done it all and I've never been addicted; except for with cigarettes. But I never thought I'd be head on with a sexual addiction. Well, I think I have one. I've been living this straight monk-life for almost a month now, all work, no play, and it's starting to grate on my nerves. They're all raw and jangly on the ends, and something's got to give. Doubts arise, weaknesses exploited, it's fucked. I just want to crack so bad, y'know, just say fuck it all, but I'm so close. I've almost made the money for school, I'm healthier, clearer... but... but! AH Fuck! It's probably just the end of the road and it's the hardest part, where caving in seems plausible. I should endure; I'll probably feel fine in a week. Just get over that hump, forget about it, then I'll really know, I'll have a real perspective, no clouds.

Speaking of clouds, it's stormy as shit down here. I wanted to take a walk up the beach with a bottle of Dewar's scotch, but lightning is striking down across the Atlantic, plus it's a little wet. So I'm sitting here typing this shit and contemplating breaking personal oathes. Who knows what I'll do from here, probably something excessive and weird after this low period just to balance it all out.

One mention: listening to Les Cox (sportifs) debut; it's fucking great. if you can actually find it, i highly recommend, but good luck; there's a sample of the tracks on their myspace; truly classic material; one nice quote: If bombs were love, you could call me Dresden.