Fucking Sick

I am fucking sick. I don't mean sick like as in badass; that's usually just reserved for the weekend. No, as in like I feel like shit. I tasted it rolling in the other night, yet had hoped it was all bullshit. But no, I am fucked. So now I sit in the far backyard trying to soak up the remaining sunlight while drinking screwdrivers for vitamin c. It's not even cold today, but still in the sunlight with three shirts and a sweatshirt I'm freezing. I also have some backed up homework to plow through, and I'm just not feeling it, at least I got some of it done. Plus, the most promising job interview I've found yet is tomorrow, but I have to be sick. This weekend promises to be big, and I hope this sickness passes in the interim.

Other notes... some good, some troubling, none bad; well at least not yet.

Thoughts these days... felt a spark to the bone, experienced a simple twist of fate, felt the heat of the night hit me like a freight, the light bust through a beat up shade as I was waking up, waking up in a bare room, felt that emptiness inside to which I could not relate, been told it's a sin to know and feel too much within, believed I met a twin, I was born too late, the colors in your mind, stay lady stay, my clothes are dirty but my hands are clean, why wait any longer for the world to begin when it's standing in front of you, trying to stay while the night is still ahead, longing to see someone in the morning light, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why if you don't know by now, it ain't no use in turning on your light  the light i never knowed  i'm on the dark side of the road, we never did too much talking anyway, it ain't no use in calling out my name like you never done before, my love speaks like silence, valetines can't buy her, she knows there's no success like failure and that failures no success at all.

Realities these days... I need a job, my money is fast dwindling, I'm killing myself, I'm wasting my time, life won't wait, I'm built for destruction, I'm marginally fucking school up, I have a job to do, I'm leaving soon, I'm dragging others down with me, my drink is too pulpy, the house is too cold, I need health insurance, I have to piss.