Ramble...

I’ve gotten used to this
These new policies
These indulgences
These people
How did I get here
Where is this going
This lifestyle
This bath of un-necessity
This addiction
I don’t need this
I do not want this
The path was changed for good reasons
But was this the place I should’ve gone to
I’ve walked for years through this social wilderness
Now I am lost
I can’t find the starting point
Let alone the old campground
I’ve lost the return slip I received when I purchased this apathy
Without it
They won’t return my consciousness
I want it back
It was dangerous
It was unsound
But it was mine
I want it back
Am I stuck in here
Stuck in this place
This place where I swim across oceans of spirits
Run through fields of pink velvet
Am I stuck running this endless marathon of excess
How nice it would be
To be alone
To be sober
And enjoy it
Back to a time when I sat in solitary rooms
Let my thoughts dominate the day
And embraced it
What would they do if I went back
What would they say
Would they say he’s crazy
He’s eccentric
Would they lock me up again
Maybe this time for good
Could I have the consciousness
Control the urges
Could I have this balance
That is why I’m here
I had to bury it all for my salvation
I had to become one of them
I hated it
I hated them
I had to drown myself in a bottle of vodka to make it acceptable
There is no substance here
Just bloody, shitty kicks
I did find one person in this river of nothing
One who almost brought me back
But now
I don’t where they are
My soulless mask may have pushed them away
I wish I could find them now
This endless freight train of
Tobacco
Liquor
Women
No longer provide a distraction
It’s only fun when it’s new
But now it’s there like a terminal unwelcome guest
I’d have to move to Antarctica to get away