A Locked Down Analytic

I'm not loving you the way I wanted to. When you keep your love locked down, you lose. It seems we're just wasting time waiting for the finish line. This finish line is not finite though; I feel I'm the only one who knows this. And it really seems like this is all up to me to decide where this all goes. When you say there's only three months left, do you mean it? Do you really? No. Anything can happen in this world; especially in mine. I can change doctrines on a daily basis. Been know to; still can. So what we have here is three decisions. Stay here, go off on the faraway trip, or go off on the faraway life. When I try to assemble lists of pros and cons I get fucked off. The decisions are too difficult. I've always been known to fit it all into the pros section while exercising all options, and I do not see why this dilemma should be treated any different. So it would appear that this is what I need to contemplate in these final fruitful days. But disappear here is still calling loudly. So I will disappear, but only for a fortnight; because this electric renaissance coursing through my veins has been tearing me apart in only a matter of hours. And then after this so-called disappearance I will know the answers to all of these questions; then my mind will be at peace.