Something To Chew On
9 posts in six months. Wow, that is fucking weak. Maybe I should start writing again. I hope I can. In three weeks I move to downtown Portland, Oregon that is, not Maine. Maybe that will jolt my system back into.... well whatever it was that was there before, that I've seemed to misplace for about a year or so. No chapters in a novel, no poetry, no meaningful bloggage. Loss of inspiration I guess. Too stable a life I guess. Lack of mind altering substances I suppose. Right now I've got a Stoli Blueberi and tonic in my hand, a nice little drink that was introduced to me last year by someone who was worth knowing. This drink is worth knowing too, I highly recommend, if that's your sort of thing. The new Bravery album is on the stereo now, not bad, worth a listen.... or two. But that's how it is these days. Even something good is disposable. Ten years ago, things were more meaningful. Now everything is too much, too soon, and it's too meaningless that way. An overload of information perhaps. How can I listen to one album over and over again, when I have twenty new ones waiting to be heard? Ten years ago, we paid for our music, and we got it after the realese date. Our budgets restrained us from overload. Sometimes this digital age is a curse, and sometimes a blessing. Like in the sixties a kid saved up just to buy a 45 single, and now I can download twenty free albums in an hour. See the point I'm nudging at? Too much, too soon, just washes us away into a sea of comatose apathy. And to think we're only ten years into this fucking new era. Just think how mindfucked and lobotomized we'll be another fifty years down the line. It's a brave new world kiddies, but I don't see what's so brave about it. Hold on, another drink........
Holy fucking shit, that is too stiff, or I just drank too much at once. God damn. While I eyed the freezer a saw that bottle of bourbon, and I wonder how long it will be before me and that ugly bastard will start exchanging blows. I'll try to take another sip off this peculiarly strong drink and see how it goes..... mmmmm, much better now, I guess I just needed that initial shock to the system........ My girlfriend just called me, I swear she fucking hates me right now, but that's another story. Oh, here's a text message, "i miss you'. You've only been gone 45 minutes. How do you miss someone? Maybe that's just me. Maybe that's just my problem. But that brings me back to that disposable thing I was talking about before. As in, maybe our whole culture is disposable now. That we've been overloaded, and desensitized, and now broadly apathetic. Nothing really excites me anymore, or conjures up feelings of... of... well, anything good. It's like nothing short of a swift blunt trauma to my head will wake me up from auto-pilot. What is that? Am I in some sort of mid-twenties doldrums? Or do I just need something very new to wake the fuck up. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, and this little diatribe is not pointed her way. Christ, she is the only thing in this world that evokes any type of feeling from me these days. But there has to be more, you know. We can't be so one-dimensional. I'm really hoping this move to Portland will jar some things free from my subconcious that I've been missing.
Anyways, I finished listening to that new Bravery album a few minutes ago, and then I put on the old Bravery album, and the first one is much better. Perhaps the disposablity that I spoke of is untrue, and the new Bravey just sucks. God, I hope so. It's probably just me. Now I realize that I have two cigarettes lit at once. So not only am I smoking too often, that extremely stiff drink I'm already halway done with in five minutes is messing with my perception/judgement/etc..... Who knows?
Ah, fuck it. Goodbye for now. At least I wrote something more than four sentences for the first time in who knows when. Until we meet again.
posted by XENON at 11:30:00 PM
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