when hunter said he never knew how to explain himself properly in this weather, i think now i know what he meant. for him it was the blazing hot nevada desert, but now, for myself, it's this abysmal new jersey cold. i'm on the phone trying to relay some ideas and it just doesn't come across properly. i'm freezing outside, i have to be outside, and i've been outside for four hours now, but it's the only place you can smoke here, plus being outside is just nicer. it's crisp, but in this cold not a place for words of thought, it's a place for solitude and strong drink. but i try to soldier on with smokes, strong drink, and ideas. refreshing, alleviating, and perplexing; respectively of course. i've given up though, thrown in the towel so to speak, now i huddle in the the kitchen with alternate drink. double shot espresso coupled with double shot frangelico, it's comforting. and yes, it's frangelico, not frangelica, and i know this because i'd made an ass out of myself one night in portland in front of the at the time girlfriend's friends, and practically staked my life on the fact that it was indeed frangelica and not frangelico because my old country realtives pronouced it that way, and much to my dismay the passive-aggressive bartender produced a book with the proper spelling and i felt like an ass. but hell, that could be a metaphor for my whole portland jaunt, i guess they just weren't my kind of people. now that i'm back in new jersey, i've re-affirmed that these really aren't my people either, and that i knew that when i left originally. i remember that now. i also remember that i'm not really from here. i don't come from a coast. maybe that's it, you get within 100 miles of the ocean and it shoots a load in your brain and you become stupid. give me those landlocked blues, because i'm sure i like 'em. and they ain't blues, maybe they're yellows or greens or reds, no i think purple, but it's nice. no extremes, just widespread complacency which is just fine with me. however, i'm gone soon, which is nice, just six weeks, and i'm off, hallejuah (did i spell that right?, don't care) in the kitchen now, got a nice drink, warm now, free soon...
