Crank

Fuck. I'm so fucking fucked... fucker. The sun will be up in less than twenty minutes. How will I ever get to sleep now? Drinking about ten shots of espresso today was probably the reason for this, especially since my last three were had around one am. I need that shit though. It's the only way I can focus on the work I need to complete. Mainly because this work is shit I really don't want to do, so getting my head into it can prove difficult. The deadlines are killing me. Another three deadlines tomorrow; well today actually, at midnight. Shit, it's already civil twilight. I'm going to drink so much coffee today. It's going to be insane. Then in turn I will go insane from staying up so long. Fuck it though. I'm taking these next few days, hiding out, and blowing this shit out of the water. 

Bitch, I'm Broke

I am so broke right now. I mean this in the literal sense. As in I have zero dollars. Not like when someone says "Oh, I'm so broke right now man." but they still have enough money to pay their bills. I don't even have that. All I got is two pennies and a ball of lint. I am worth nothing. I'm actually worth negative six thousand, six hundred, and fifty dollars. That's some nice debt right there. I don't even have a job either. No income coming in; well my roommate gave me twenty bucks yesterday. I then proceeded to piss said twenty bucks away at two bars in two hours, and at both bars drinks only cost a dollar. The only thing I have to rely on at this point in time is my uncanny ability to always land on top and never get fucked. No matter how fucked things can seem to get, I have always in the past manipulated the situation in my favor. I will survive this. Yet, I would like some extra money coming in, y'know, a bit more than I need to get by. I'm starting to miss going out and frivelously spending cash. However, I'm going to wait to fix my dire financial straits. The next three weeks of school are going to be a steaming pile of horse shit. I have two term papers, two semester projects, a few final exams, plus a slew of quizzes and busy work to wade through. I'm not going to look for gainful employment under such conditions. But there is that issue of rent and bills to deal with; I'll get that money, somehow. 

Losing.... And Why?

Ever felt like you lost? you know, just anything. It could be anything; your pride; your soul; your family; your everything. I feel like I lost a family. Weird I know, the guy with no family misses his surrogate one. Fucked up. Hate feeling like I lost. Hate feeling like I missed out. Hate not getting what is there. Yet we all must sacrifice. For what? I'm not sure. But I convince myself it's worth it.

Stifled

This really fucking sucks. I have something I'd really like to write about. But I can't. I know this is read. So i guess at this point there really isn't much more to say.

Couch Romance

It's quite amusing watching these two trying to fuck on the couch. Barclay is so silly in his non-methodical movements. It's like watching a puppet master trying to challenge himself. I sit back imagining how I would behave in this situation; and I know. I would have fucked her by twice now; never minded the audience. I've had one, I've had a few; you get used to it. After awhile you just don't care. But I guess Barclay does, he's still young, he still doesn't know, still not comfortable with his sexuality. But I guess that's the game for the young and the wet eared. Fuck, even though I've gone past it; I don't care anymore. It's fuck all, you get past it, you progress to what really matters. You've done it all, and it all passes through you, once it does, and you've reached the peak, you could give a fuck after that. I love women; I love women like Prince loves women, and I love to love women like that. Beautiful creatures my friend. 

Counterfeit Intimacy

Counterfeit intimacy is the phrase of today. Well, yesterday. Tuesday and I were at the Vegas Caberet last night where she proceeded to "make it rain on dem hoez", and then informed me on the theory. Great phrase though. For some reason I really like it. Not sure why, but it's probably inside of me somewhere. This counterfeit intimacy is something that probably exists in so many social situations. She used the example of stripper and customer, yet it extends so much further. Sadly, I think that's all there is sometimes. Everybody wants something from each other, what ever happened to just wanting someone, you know, just because you did; simpler times.